Canadian weddings are dreadful

I loathe them. They're uniformly awful, and if you want to torture me, I'm sure there are easier ways to do it.
Where I was raised in the south, one had a wedding within one's means. The time of day of the wedding dictated the level of formality and therefore, the cost. So if you're invited to a 2 pm wedding, you know that it's going to be quick. Kiss the bride, eat a piece of cake, make a toast, boom! You're out of there.
But most Canadian weddings, in keeping with their extreme level of inconvenience, are held early in the afternoon. The first time I attended one of those fiascos, I looked at the invitation. Start time for the wedding was 2 pm.  I thought to myself, "Oh, goodie - we'll be free by tea-time!"
Was I ever wrong!
Two pm is only the start of the ordeal. After the ceremony, which is usually short, the next item on the agenda is the reception, but you have to wait at least three hours. For pictures.
Now here is where you get into difficulty because the word "reception" means different things when you're speaking of a Canadian wedding. In some weddings, the envelope containing the invitation can be chock-full of inserts. There is the actual invitation to the ceremony, then there is the cocktail hour, then the dinner, then the dance. Some people can be invited to only one, some to all, some to two: it's not uncommon to have an invitation to the ceremony and an invitation to the dance following dinner, which can start as late as ten pm.
The dance section of the wedding (and the magic hour when you can finally leave) is usually late because of the painful custom of speeches during dinner. The level of torture can vary: if there's a big wedding party, you're in for it. The bridesmaids all like to make the same speeches about what good friends they are with the bride, and we have to hear all about their childhood memories and nervously laugh at the tons of private jokes.
I believed that those speeches - the ones that no one but the wedding couple can appreciate-should be given during the rehearsal dinner - but no. Everyone is privy to them, regardless of how meaningless it is or how much they have been inconvenienced by the special day already. A Canadian rehearsal dinner is just that - a dinner. I was really disappointed when Roger and I had our rehearsal dinner, but then I wasn't yet aware of the horribleness of Canadian weddings. A few years ago, R and I were at a wedding of a girl (who promptly divorced a year later) who had a wedding party of twenty. The only good going was the wine, and there was plenty of it. After the last wedding attendant gave her  speech, I was elated. "Yay! Maybe I can leave now!" But alas, no. Someone else got up to the podium clutching a sheaf of papers.
 I have to note that after drinking about a bottle of wine, you forget that you're not whispering. My wail of : "Oh, for the love of all that's holy! Have mercy!" was heard across the room and to this day I am a persona non grata in that family, to the point that when they see us out in public, I am invisible.
I am writing this because of the plethora of invites (I know. You'd think they would have gotten the message by now.) and "save the dates" that have been pouring in to our mailbox. The events happen to be on the peak weekends of summer, and if you live anywhere up north, you know that those precious weekends are few and far between.  But, as Roger mopefully said, "It's better if you don't go - if your heart isn't in it." to which I heartily agree!
I do have some more wedding fodder coming up: after September I will be able to report on how awful or how great English weddings are. You'll get the full report, believe me.